The plan, to make a pumpkin and an apple pie for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, today.
step 1 – Procrastinate: Wake up intend to make pies at lunch time. At lunch time be so busy working and keeping the peace with the handful decide to wait till the afternoon, in the afternoon decide it is to hot from cooking all day and decide to wait till the kids go to bed, play on Facebook and not actually get started on any pie sort of prep till after 8 (when all the stores closed till Friday). Try to convince Grandma she wants to make the pies, she does not. Sigh, and get started.
Step 2 – Hardware: Discover that you only have 1 pie pan that is accessible and the other 4 are all packed away in a box somewhere or other… So you can only make 1 pie, unless of course you would use a bread or cake pan to make a pie – this idea is vetoed by Grandmother repeatedly. So decide that you will make a pumpkin pie and serve sliced cinnamon apples as a side instead of in an apple pie for dessert. Also decide you will make an apple pie next week for #1 who is going to wake up very disappointed to find no apple pie!
Step 3 – Filling Ingredients: Pull out the can of pumpkin pie mix and read instructions, look for the can of evaporated milk that the can says you need only to discover that you don’t have any, but you do have not 1 but 3 cans of condensed milk. Consult the internet, no they are not the same and can not be substituted for one another. Consult the internet and look for evaporated milk substitutions find buttermilk (which will give finished pie a tangy flavor), half and half (for a rich pie) and all sorts of options using other items you don’t have – powdered milk, soy milk, almond milk, decide to just mix whipping cream and milk and see how it goes. Realize you have no idea where the mixing bowls are and use a cooking pot instead.
Step 4 – Pie crust recipe: Remember that all the cook books are packed. Also remember that Tall Man is picky with pie crusts and the only one you have ever made that he truly liked was your great-grandmothers recipe. Ask Grandma for the recipe – shocker she did not bring a copy of it cross-country with her for her visit. Search email for recipe, finally find it under pie dough (really Grandma? Dough? Not crust?).
Step 5 – Pie crust assembly: I have all the ingredients, woo hoo! While opening the can of shorting Tall Man rubs some of it on your nose, go to retaliate and get scolded by Grandma for bothering him when he’s not feeling well… Again use a pot to mix the “dough” in. Realize the pastry cutter is also packed and grab a fork. Pull out the cutting board to roll out the crust and realize you also have no rolling pin and grab a McDonalds Shrek drinking glass for the job. It looks a mess, but it will have to do!!!
Step 6 – Baking: Put the misshapen pie crust in the lone pie pan, dump the filling on the crust – making sure to splash it all down your shirt in the process, and throw it in the oven praying that in 55 minutes you will have a pumpkin pie that looks good enough to eat and tastes good to boot! (at least you know that the pie crust passes Tall Mans taste test!)
Great Grandmothers pie crust recipe