Well, maybe not at this moment, but overall that is my feeling whenever I try something new with my hair or my clothes. Pretty much I have it stuck in my head that if I’m not wearing basic jeans and a regular’old t-shirt, that everyone around me must be looking at me and thinking “She looks Utterly ridiculous!)
I used to not think this way, but years of criticism from my asshole-ex-husband, my lovely little children, and my matronly mother. Have all taken their tole. In high school I wore what I want, my daddy said I was beautiful and I felt confident and happy in whatever I choose to wear. It’s just as an adult that I feel like others are staring at me in disgust because I am to tall (I’m not I’m only 5″6), that I am to fat (umm, I am normal sized thank you very much, not a starving model…) and because who knows why else! Now this has never applied to my makeup choices – bright red lipstick, eyes done and such are a normal everyday routine for me, nor my shoe choices ( no one seems to have a problem when I wear 4 inch heals (or higher) with my jeans and t-shirts, or if I wear big ole muckboots.
But, it’s time to change, I mean if not now will I ever? For my birthday instead of my mom buying me clothes that she feels I should wear ( nice clothes mind you designer names, the newest fashions) but not what I want to wear she gave my money to buy my own clothes (Hallelujah!) I always feel bad when she send me clothes I don’t want but have no way of returning, especially when I’m in need of new clothes and on a tight budget, so I just wore what she sent me. I have no idea why my 72 year old mother thinks I should dress like her (she would routinely buy things in doubles that she liked, 1 for her, 1 for me). I had asked for the Bella Donna Dress by PinUp Girl Clothing for my birthday and She quickly shut me down – quickly telling me I would look like a Hussy. Really Mom? A hussy? Why because it’s red? ( She’s bought me red clothes before). Well, she sent me $ instead so internet shopping I went!
I looked at all kinds of websites, amazon, and ebay. Then I had the Lumberjack look at my selections I had narrowed it down to so he could tell me how ridiculous I would look to (which he didn’t) and when I mentioned how ridiculous I thought I was going to look and he flat out told me I wouldn’t. So anyways long story short I am getting pretty new dresses in the mail any day now!
Oh and I made a skirt. And I wore it, and no one thought I looked ridiculous, or if they did they didn’t say anything to me! Yippee!