I look ridiculous…

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Well, maybe not at this moment, but overall that is my feeling whenever I try something new with my hair or my clothes.  Pretty much I have it stuck in my head that if I’m not wearing basic jeans and a regular’old t-shirt, that everyone around me must be looking at me and thinking “She looks Utterly ridiculous!)  

 

I used to not think this way, but years of criticism from my asshole-ex-husband, my lovely little children, and my matronly mother. Have all taken their tole.  In high school I wore what I want, my daddy said I was beautiful and I felt confident and happy in whatever I choose to wear.  It’s just as an adult that I feel like others are staring at me in disgust because I am to tall (I’m not I’m only 5″6), that I am to fat (umm, I am normal sized thank you very much, not a starving model…) and because who knows why else!  Now this has never applied to my makeup choices – bright red lipstick, eyes done and such are a normal everyday routine for me,  nor my shoe choices ( no one seems to have a problem when I wear 4 inch heals (or higher) with my jeans and t-shirts, or if I wear big ole muckboots.

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But, it’s time to change, I mean if not now will I ever? For my birthday instead of my mom buying me clothes that she feels I should wear ( nice clothes mind you designer names, the newest fashions) but not what I want to wear she gave my money to buy my own clothes (Hallelujah!) I always feel bad when she send me clothes I don’t want but have no way of returning, especially when I’m in need of new clothes and on a tight budget, so I just wore what she sent me.  I have no idea why my 72 year old mother thinks I should dress like her (she would routinely buy things in doubles that she liked, 1 for her, 1 for me).  I had asked for the Bella Donna Dress by PinUp Girl Clothing for my birthday and She quickly shut me down – quickly telling me I would look like a Hussy.  Really Mom?  A hussy?  Why because it’s red? ( She’s bought me red clothes before).  Well, she sent me $ instead so internet shopping I went!

 

I looked at all kinds of websites, amazon, and ebay. Then I had the Lumberjack look at my selections I had narrowed it down to so he could tell me how ridiculous I would look to (which he didn’t) and when I mentioned how ridiculous I thought I was going to look and he flat out told me I wouldn’t.  So anyways long story short I am getting pretty new dresses in the mail any day now!

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Oh and I made a skirt.  And I wore it, and no one thought I looked ridiculous, or if they did they didn’t say anything to me! Yippee!

Lace me up!

Orchard Corset - Tightlacing

Orchard Corset – Tightlacing

I spent the better part of my teenage years laced into the tightest bodices I could bear, all which were made deliberately 4 inches to small with the help of my friends and some good old ducttape!  As I got older and my ex took control of my life I slowly stopped wearing them and going to events where they were considered acceptable attire.   I slowly melded into the life of a suburban Stepford wife and a life of jeans and t-shirts.  Always lusting after the retro dresses, missing  my big poofy swing skirt dress with the painted on dancing corn which  mysteriously disappeared, and watched as my bodices and chemises were discarded.

Over the past few years I have slowly reclaimed my bright red lipstick and for a time even my high heels (the higher the better), but then this long never ending winter arrived where the only shoes that one could even think about wearing out of doors looked more like what an Eskimo might don than what you might find on Jessica Rabbit.

But with the spring finally deciding to show itself, I discovered what I think I have secretly been longing for.  A corset.  All of those dresses I could wear so easily as a teenager no longer worked with my momma body.  My ribs had spread, my tummy was squishy and everything just looked not so nice…

After I read extensively about it, I decided to bite the bullet and order my first one from Orchard Corset.  While I eagerly awaited it’s arrival, I subconsciously  no actually I was just really bored) looked at every woman I saw and thought you know 85% of women would probably look much better with some kind of supportive undergarments on.  Myself not being the exception.

I laced up for the 1st time on Monday and oh my Goodness!  I feel like my clothes fit so much better! And I truly feel like I might be finally  be able to get back to the fashion style which I have loved and missed for so many years!

Life…

is an interesting journey, where one never knows where it’s going to lead.    I have been thinking lately how I might want to start writing again, chronicling my journey through uncharted waters and the dips and turns life takes and how we get where we are.

At times I have sugar coated my life, I’m not sure if it was because I didn’t want to see the truth of it, or I didn’t want others to see the truth of it.  I have over-shared at times and under-shared at others (is that even possible in our modern day world of technology, social media and the internet?).  I have thought about privacy issues, mine, my children’s, and my significant others.  How what I might write could possibly affect how others see me, my business, and who knows what else?  The mind is a deep and wonderous place once you start wandering down the rabbit hole of what if’s…

My mother has encouraged me to start writing again, if  only for her own reasons (she always dreamed of being an author).  But I am not interested in pursue-ing writing as a career.  God knows I can’t spell worth a darn ( thank you google spell check!) and my grammer is atrocious!  But I feel the need, a calling from inside to put down something, a way to share and possibly connect with others who also feel as if they are a small  boat bobbing along in the great big seas of life, looking for kindred souls and those who might understand the craziness we put our selves through in an attempt to find happiness and peace in this crazy turbulent world.  So I am ready to share my journey yet again…